Relax for Crying Out Loud
So here’s the thing; this is one of those psychological columns I never write. But I should – at least once or twice every year. I want to tell you that it’s OK, it’s just fine to make a mess of your gardening. I can’t tell you how many gardeners I meet, otherwise fine upstanding, seemingly-rational individuals who get bent out of shape around their gardening. And I’m here to tell you to relax.
There seems to be some kind of mass hysteria creeping across the land that the common dandelion, that small herb that was imported into the country as an edible plant, is a wrong plant in a wrong time. That somehow it’s not only possible but desirable to have a life without this plant. So quick quiz time. What’s more important, having dandelions on your lawn or having a job? Having dandelions on your lawn or seeing millions of children displaced by war and famine? Right. So where do you put your energy and your money? I’m here to tell you that it’s fine to not worry about dandelions, that the end of the world will not come because there are dandelions on your lawn. You can eliminate them if you want to by using organic methods but frankly, it’s not worth losing much sleep over this small plant. If you are, let me suggest you get a life.
A corollary to that is that weeds exist in my garden and if you’re looking for a perfectly clean garden, you won’t find it anywhere close to me. I keep the garden clean enough to be healthy and messy enough to be human. Anything more would involve compulsive behaviour I’m not prepared to accept in my life. I’d suggest you relax about the odd weed here and there.
Snakes exist. They too are good guys in the garden, eating all manner of slugs and other insects that do indeed chow down on your garden. But given a choice, many homeowners will gladly whack a snake over any number of slugs or other insect pests. I don’t want them in my house but I’m quite pleased that these creatures live in my garden to help me with insects. Speaking of insects, they too have a place in the garden. The vast majority of them are benign creatures with a specific spot in the web of life. I’m still amazed at the response of gardeners who believe that all insects are bad insects, that killing anything that flies, crawls or slithers is a mandatory part of gardening. Relax, give yourself permission to let the rest of the natural world exist and create a balance in your garden.
When you do this, you might indeed lose a plant or two to insects. It’s a price we pay to invade a natural setting. A price we pay to force Mother Nature to our will rather than bending to hers. Because gardening is an artificial construct, something that is totally unnatural in the scheme of things and a whole lot of relaxing is in order when you have to go head-to-head with old Ma Nature. Give yourself permission to lose some plants in your garden to insects and disease. Again, ask yourself what’s important in the scheme of things.
Not all plants live. And not all plants that are perennial live forever. There is indeed a time and place for all plants and even those plants advertised as perennials do not necessarily live more than a few years. A dirty secret we in the nursery trade don’t like to talk about is that all plants have a lifespan. You accept that annuals die after one season; it is equally important to understand that some perennial plants die after two or three or some trees don’t even pass twenty years willingly. You’re going to lose plants in the garden and the sooner you simply accept those losses and try to figure out why (fixing the conditions whenever possible naturally) the sooner you’ll be a real gardener and not simply a decorator.
I’m pleased to say that I’ve started and grown millions of plants in my gardening career and I’m almost equally pleased to tell you that the more you kill, the easier it becomes. That first plant is a hard one to lose. The millionth doesn’t even get a yawn. The advantage the pros have is that we know we can’t grow them all. We know we’re going to lose plants and the more we try to push the season, the growing zone or range of exotica, the more we know we’re going to lose. It’s a fact of life and we give ourselves permission to kill as many plants as we need to in order to have a great garden. Losing a plant isn’t the end of the world although when it’s an expensive one, it may be the end of that year’s experiment. By understanding that plants die, I give myself permission to blame the plant and not myself. And assuming that’s true, that I’ve given the plant the conditions it wants and needs, then I move on with my life continuing to try to grow all manner of interesting plants.
This little rant comes from somewhere within me that shares your thought that we should have great looking gardens, weed-free lawns and perfectly-manicured lives. My life is a messy ongoing creative effort, my gardens simply reflect that and for the most part, I’m good with it. I’m publicly giving myself permission to have a messy garden, a chaotic nature-filled life outside my doors and one that doesn’t involve perfection. My garden will speak to me and I’ll enjoy it wholeheartedly because in my eyes it will be as good as it gets this year. I’m not your basic perfect human and neither is my garden the epitome of perfection. If you’re perfect, then have a perfect garden as well, otherwise, take a deep breath and relax.
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About Doug
AMEN!!!
(For another, wonderful take on this subject, read Michael Pollan’s _Second Nature_.)
@Carolyn -
Yes – you’re right
I think to have that perfect garden you would have to employ 3-4 other gardeners. It’s just not possible to maintain your sanity, live life, and get every single weed that pops up on an acre plot. Good post!
Daves last blog post..How to Build an Arbor (Part 1)
Very nicely put, Doug. This year I learned to love my lawn dandelions too. Found out they are one of the first flowers available for bees + other pollinators in the spring. I’m always happy now to see a bee on a dandelion. (I still pull them out of my garden beds, tho’, If I can reach them, because of their seeding habit.) Some ‘weeds’ I’m enjoying in my garden beds: (which I used to try to rigorously pull out) Vipers Bugloss, Wild Daisies, the odd Cinquefoil.
Sarahs last blog post..Be water wise: Thirteen going on 30 (degrees)
Ahhh… What a nice way to be introduced to your blogs! I have actually been photographing the literal millions of dandelions in our yard for the past week. I find them quite lovely and, as my diminutive but sprightly 83-year old neighbour assertively says, “I like them! You will never go hungry as long as you have dandelions growing in your yard!”
Haha! Dandelion tea to go with your dandelion jam and bread, anyone? *^.^*
With warm regards from the Canadian Maritimes!
Christinas last blog post..My New (Antique) Desk
Couldn’t agree more. I have plenty of dandelions, violets, and a bevy of other weeds I haven’t even been able to identify yet. If one were to look at the back end of every one of my perennial borders, they would be amazed (and maybe even appalled!) at the weed jungle I’m growing. But you know, nobody every looks back there, except for me
Colleen Vanderlindens last blog post..The Good Life
Great Post Doug: Dandelions are a good soil conditioner, you can eat them and they are pretty when in bloom. You must be like us considering some “Weeds” to be Flowers.
Have a Great Day,
John
John at JWLWs last blog post..A NEW VISITOR
I think for many people, the ability to relax in the garden and not take it all so seriously comes with confidence.
Don’t you think many of the gardeners who are high strung for perfection are like that in other areas in their lives, and perhaps aren’t so secure in their gardening prowess?
In any case, I feel sorry for them because they’re completely missing the mark on the wonders of gardening: you can’t control mother nature!
Lelos last blog post..Keeping it local, keeping it in the front yard
@Lelo -
That’s a great point – the more confident you are that you’re a gardener – the less you worry about failure. Good thought
@John at JWLW -
Nah John – I don’t consider the weeds to “be” flowers although they may have them. I pretty much consider them weeds but can only work up so much enthusiasm for getting each and every one of them.
@Colleen Vanderlinden -
The “back” of the garden. You mean you’re “supposed” to actually weed back there. Good grief – what will people think of next…
@Christina -
Never heard of dandelion jam – interesting … may have to ask Mayo to go out and dig enough to make some jam (but don’t tell her first)
@Dave – I’m up for having 3-4 gardeners – where do I sign up for the service?
This is one of those posts I have been wanting to write (but, of course, you said it much better than I ever could!) but have been to busy out in the garden trying to perfect it!
It is so easy to get caught up in a fever to have the perfect lawn, the perfect flower gardens–perfectly balanced in color and form, and the perfect veg garden–with, of course, no naughty bugs or diseases to mar it. You are so right–I am not perfect, I certainly can’t spend 24/7 in the garden, and we all need to learn to enjoy our gardens more and obsess less about that unobtainable state of perfection we all seem to have in our heads!
Jenny Bs last blog post..Update
Well put Doug !
I’ve often commented to people that I wish everyone would switch from green grass in their front yard to dandelions. Why do we have to call them a weed? They’re much more environmentally friendly than grass. The need no maintenance, no fertilizing, no mowing, no watering, plus you can eat them. What’s the problem? Couldn’t we look out our front window at yellow instead of green?
@V -
If you looked out my side window this week – you may have seen your wish. LOL! The “lawn” we inherited is pretty rough. It will be cleared out over the next few years as we build gardens and create landscapes. But all in it’s own time.
@Jenny B -
I share your need to enjoy what we have.
Yeah, the Princess and I have a deal where we constantly help each other adjust our objectives. Both of us are type-a’s and it really helps to have support when we hit the wall of our own expectations for ourselves. So while I really appreciate your comments about the writing
@Doug – Hello, Doug.
Yes, I found a web site the other day that has several recipes for dandelions. I shared it with my friends on Facebook and I would be pleased to share it here with your and your readers also. *^.^* Here it is: http://www.mountain-breeze.com/kitchen/dandelions/index.html Oh! …and I stand corrected… It is a recipe for “dandelion jelly”. Looks pretty good to me! 
Enjoy!
Christinas last blog post..My New (Antique) Desk
@Christina -
Fun resource.
Great picture!!
The more I garden the less plants I kill. Experience is a wonderful teacher. Great reminder of why we garden and it brings our ideas of perfection closer to reality. Gardening is a process.
Maries last blog post..Wave Hill
@Marie -
And my reality is that perfection is a heck of a long way away – sigh….
Hey you’re good – the more *I* garden, it seems the more plants I kill.
Nothing wrond with dandelions, they’re the first flowers my kids picked for me! And now my great grands are picking them for me.
@Raindancer -
You have been blessed.
Hi from Sydney.
I’ve been taking your feed for a while and I thought I’d just drop you a line. I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about. You go right ahead and have a messy garden, if that’s what you need. I and a lot of people down here, who are more interested in results, couldn’t agree more. Not convinced about those snakes, though. Cheers.
@Jay -
Our snakes aren’t poisonous – harmless slug eaters unlike some down-under. We only have one poisonous snake in our province – and not all that bad a one either.
Good to know,Doug. I feel much better. Cheers.
Strange, I was thinking something along these lines yesterday and today. Just felt so frustrated with the insects, weeds, et al. So it is timely that you tell me to relax and not sweat the small stuff:) I may still blog about my frustrations a little… but with a better attitude
Ilonas last blog post..Redbud Tree, the Understory
@Ilona -
We all need to vent – let me know when you “launch”
Ahem … sounds like we are all saying the same thing:
“Don’t forget to stop and smell the roses.”
I couldn’t agree more!!! This was enlightening, and I sighed a breath of surrender. Not that I was fretting overly much, but sad. Of course, when I’ve lost a couple rose plants, I just said, “they didn’t make the Winter,” or “Oh well.” This just gave me more room in my garden to plant something else. Thanks so much for your common-sense insight.
Bravo, nicely said. I have a friend that plants annuals in rows and buys the same plants every year. And that’s fine for them. I’m with you. Do what you can, when you can and enjoy the time doing it. My gardens are never done and to me that’s the joy of gardening. It’s by no means “perfect” no such word. Thanks for the blog.
Doug I do love the way you garden. If my garden had to be perfect I would have to go live in that condo on the 35th floor.
You mean its okay to have weeds? Whew!
@Bev – it’s ok in my garden. I say that they’re pulling up all the minerals from the subsoil and when I finally do get around to pulling and composting them, all those minerals will be available to the other plants (true by the way). So it’s the best excuse I can come up with.
Excuse?!? Nay, Reason!! My husband used to say that I was the only one he ever knew that used a machete to work in the garden. Weeds pull up nutrients from the soil, thus making marvelous mulch. (Before they go to seed.)
After getting “guilted out” watching all the home and garden shows where the “fixers” come in and rip out beautiful mature specimens and replace them with mini shrubs and lots of red mulch, your blog brought me back on track. I don’t want a cookie-cutter garden…my garden is filled with the things I love. My peace and harmony lives there. By the way, I lived in Bavaria for 2 years and in the spring the Germans deliberately grow fields of dandelions. With their meticulous ways, they are in perfect squares alternated with green crops and the countryside is beautiful to behold! One man’s junk is another’s treasure, for sure!